A List for This Week

1. wishbone is "not very present".




i snuck Wishbone Georges into Jawbone Flats this week in a shiny black totebag. she tucked her head inside and it looked to guests like i was a third chef in the kitchen, oddly carrying a very heavy-looking rucksack while chopping vegetables. "odd," they may have reasoned "that a chef in a nature center's lodge would be carrying a large purse around the kitchen whilst cooking."

Jawbone flats is the township (population: 11) of the Opal Creek Ancient Forest Center. A friend of mine is their kitchen help, and Wishbone came along on a visit where she ate green beans off of forks, got "hushed" on a regular basis, and was contraband the entire weekend (as the manager had previously denied W.b.'s request to come to camp, citing Too Many Dogs There Already.).

Upon my arrival home, we were greeted by one enthusiastic and very in-the-moment Beija Georges, who skipped and smiled and said "welcome back!" and next to the very reserved and sometimes spacey Wishbone, it was declared that Beija is Very Present.

2. dinner with eileen myles (who once ran for president of the united states) .
at the end of which she told us a story about somebody walking out of the house whilst boiling dildoes (for sanitary reasons you can do this from time to time) and having them go up in flames. A photograph of charred black penises at the bottom of a kettle was shown to friends while the charr-er explained that the fire department was called and she was evicted from her apartment for the blackened dildo-ery.





3. nicole j. georges dot com is down.
alas. yahoo has repossessed my website. i have to buy my own name back. what in the world! Apparently when you sign up for a website and don't expect for it to expire for at least three years, you should write down whatever bogus yahoo address you made up for the specific transaction, so that three years later you aren't sitting on the phone for 45 minute stints on hold (afterwhich you drop your phone on the ground and get disconnected) and then failing to prove your identity and that truly you deserve to have this domain name back once connected with a Yahoo representative. (You feel you deserve it because it is Your Actual Name).
and so.
in the meantime.
the weak version of my website:
http://www.myspace.com/nicolejgeorgesillustrations






4. graphic? how Novel!
i am about to embark on a quest called Writing A Graphic Novel About The Twisted Tale Of The Doctor Laura Show. Maybe i will print the original story here for your perusal. Wish me luck!

5. heirloom tomatoes are back.






6. basil chili sauce is the number one thing you should spread all over your vegetarian shish kabobs this year before putting them to fire. this tip from Morgan at Dovetail Bakery, who blows my mind on a regular basis.







7. next week is the Rock n Roll Camp for Girls, at which i teach a zine workshop. did you know that i illustrated a book about the rock n roll camp for girls which JUST came out from Chronicle Books? Truly! You will note that i even have a representative from my land of drawings on the cover of the book, where she is shown playing the drums.

from the Femme Coloring Book

coloring book available here;
http://www.myspace.com/femmescolor

Tight Game, part I

from stumptown comics festival in 2007, in which i imagine that in order to eat the last cupcake, marc would touch it with his weiner. i found this so hilarious that i started laughing and coffee came out of my nose and ran down my face, right in time for a cute girl to walk up to our table.

2002-02-17

this morning my mom called and woke me up to give me her review of Lord of the Rings.

"remember that part where Gandalf was driving away the devil with the power of christ?"

"no mom, that was a wizards septor i think..."

"no, then the light of christ overtook him... oh nickie, it was all straight out of the book of revelations!"

on and on and on.

An Ode to Queer Animals Among Us.

so...
last week my mother offered me $100 if i would look at a youtube video she'd sent me via email.
At first i told her i'd thrown it away, thinking it was right-wing-propagandha. she assured me it was not that, and was, in fact, "Hilarious, Nickie!"
so,
wanting a hundred dollars,
i retrieved said video from my trash folder and watched it.
and
was
horrified!

The email started
"A hard look at where we are headed today! What is this world coming to?"


And attached was the video (see below). It was a humorous country song in the vein of "i'm my own grandpa" or jeff foxworthy, and basically, the theme was

Homosexuality is Unnatural. Just Look At The Animal Kingdom.

the main character begins by sitting on the couch watchin' t.v. and seeing something about a wedding.
but something was wrong! (wait for it...)
the wedding photos showed only ......two GROOMS!
this caused him to look to the barn for answers.

the video enforced that if chickens were gay there'd be no eggs (not true) , on and on.

"two mares can't make a stallion, two bulls can't make a cow,
it takes a male and female to make the species go on,
there'll be no reproduction if the plumbin' is all wrong."

oh brother!

Hi Mom, D, & L,

That video is really offensive.

there are gay animals:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15750604/

attached is a photo of two gay animals, one of which is your DAUGHTER!








after receiving only chuckling responses from all parties ("there must be something in the water"), I started investigating gay animals further and found out there is an amazing list from which to choose!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_animals_displaying_homosexual_behavior
take a look!

And so, in response to all of this, the 2009 Invincible Summer calendar will be dedicated to the queer animal kingdom. all clean, like usual, sometimes romantic.

I can't wait!




Sincerely,
n.g.


p.s. if you would like to see the video my mom sent me, you can look here:

from our trip to the vineyards of colorado

Outside of the Rehearsal Dinner


One of us is feeling a little stressed out.

Lessons I Have Learned Here In Colorado: A List.

1. New Rule: No Processing after 10 p.m.
Could lead to drunkenly weeping in the hotel's common areas, blowing things entirely out of proportion,wondering if the eternally-smoking-on-the-patio-washed-out-tattooed-men are listening in, and waking up with many dark rings under the eyes.

2. I LIKE TO LAUGH AT MY OWN JOKES.
When the woman at The Historic Hotel Melrose was giving us a tour of her facilities, she led us to the communal kitchen where there were no less than fourteen signs printed off of a computer in all caps which read CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS!!! . As she turned to point to the stove and explain the refrigeration system, i inquired:
"Wait, Should we clean up our own mess?"
and she said that yes, we should clean up our own mess. and told me there were signs to remind us and also hidden cameras in order to keep track of our messes and potential food grifting.

This memory kept us well humored this morning after making brunch, at which point we stood amongst the wallpaper of signs and wondered aloud: What Do We Do With This Mess?

3. LEARN TO APPRECIATE PROP COMEDY.
While attending a straight wedding, I waited in horrified anticipation for the garter toss, a barbaric and overtly sexual ceremony wherein the groom crawls on all fours to the seated bride and brutishly lifts up her skirt, grabbing the garter that lays round her thigh with his teeth and dragging it off while looking up at her and to the sound of his friends' hoots and hollers.
We sat still as posts and watched as Carrot's brother crawled towards his bride on his knees and his knuckles. But then, a suprise! he reached under and into the depths of her skirt and pulled out props. Props! Rubber duckie and scarves-a-plenty and some underwear and many Mardi Gras Beads. I breathed a sigh of relief. Prop comedy is much preferred to the saliva-laden garter toss.

4. WHAT YOU CAN WATCH:
Meerkat Manor on the historic hotel melrose television set.

5. Note: When in Palisade, Colorado and at a wedding where you cannot dance together because you are two girls, an appropriate way to dance and also win the crowd is to bring a few synchronized routines with you. Especially if they play the Soulja Boy Song and you have just learned the dance that morning, or if you know a danced called "The Gilford", made popular by North Carolinans, which your country-line-dancing family is eager to learn and includes "getting low" .

6. Sometimes you go to a wedding with another woman as a date and one of you looks like a man and the other doesn't, and you're both living in complete denial and imagine that if you don't hold hands or overtly act gay towards each other then no one in the family will conclude that you're actually lesbians.

7. Eat before the rehearsal dinner, because otherwise you may be doomed to a life of iceburg lettuce with no dressing, and your saving grace will be a bare breadstick from The Olive Garden.

Enough!

love,
n.g.