I write to you from Beautiful Grand Junction Colorado!
I am here for a wedding with my nice friend, Carrot, and have found a coffeeshop and some shade to hide behind, as i am not used to this very intense sunshine! I think that Portland really gives me a different idea of what a sunny day is. Yesterday we were pointing at the sun and saying "look, look! it looks like a picture of the sun!" "It even has rays coming off of it!"
It's been a long winter.
In other news, I definitely did hit myself in the face with the car door last night as i was signaling my arrival at a chinese food restaurant, saying "Well, I guess If You're A Beggar, You Can't Be A Chooser, right?" (in response to their unappealing $10.50 dinner buffet) then WACK!, the corner of the door hit square in the bridge of my glasses, knocking them askew and cutting a tiny slice out of my nose.
We wrapped ice in a napkin and held it up to my face, speaking from behind it as the very speedy and unphased waitress plowed through my tears, inquiring to my drink preference before circling my order on the paper menu and speed-walking to the kitchen to investigate whether or not they had my exotic and preferred food, "Broccoli".
In fact they did. and the broccoli was excellent. and we had a nice time with brown sauce and tall glasses of water, with Carrot exclaiming
"This is so salty!" every couple of minutes. And "I taste MSG."
note: did not stop her from eating almost all of said Broccoli.
This was the second time on the trip that i put my forehead on my arms and breathed deep breaths. The first being after we got off the plane and realized, after waiting in the long car rental line, that my credit card was $5.00 short of the amount needed to check out our car. I tried to joke with Will, our Rental Representative:
n:Can I Just GIVE You The Five Dollars?
w: we accept credit or debit cards only.
n: Hmm. Well, maybe we could work it off. Like, if anyone who works here needs a ride somewhere or something, we could like, drop them off?
w: That's not the industry that we are in.
n: could i wash dishes or something?
w: what i need from you is a credit card confirmation.
(this was will shooting me down, refusing to smile at my very lame jokes)
n: Look Will, you gotta work with me here. I don't actually expect you to let me do any of these things, I just need you to humor me for a minute because i've been up since four a.m. and this is really stressful and i'm just trying to lighten things up a little bit.
w: i'm not stressed.
then i put my head in my arms and waited on the phone to see if there was perhaps a credit card representative i could blow in order to reserve my rental car.
in the end, i wore Will down and extracted a few one-liners from him, and we drove into the sunshine, tired and ready to see these giant "Mesas" and lots of sand.
I am staying at the Historic Hotel Melrose, located on Colorado street, where you will find much paisley wallpaper, dark and dirty carpet, and beautiful victorian architecture.
More updates to come.
In our next episode:
Extended Family Discomfort?
Read as our hero enters Grand Junction's one and only gaybar!
Potential gaybashing or gender confusion!
Doing Homorobics in our tiny hotel room!
nicole j. georges.